Riding bikes on a recent week-night, along the Lakeshore, right after the Beast procured an old–but fine–10-speed from his older brother.
Foodie (shouting from in front): Now, always stop at red lights. You’ll see other cyclists go through them, but not you. When the light goes green, you catch up to them, and pass them, and teach them a lesson about going through red lights. Your speed says, “I guess disobeying the law didn’t get you very far in life now, did it?”
Beast: You know, I’ve ridden a bike before. I used to ride a bike all the time before I met you.
Foodie (still yelling): Well, I’ve been riding a bike since before you were born so I think you ought to just listen to me when it comes to bikes. Now, I’m going really, really slow right now. Do you want to take the lead and really open this shit up?