Category Archives: At Home

Here’s ‘Something’ after 10 years of ‘Foodie and the Beast’

When I saw Ontario red, yellow, and orange peppers on sale at the No Frills for $1.97 a lb, I thought What could be better than turning on the oven and baking stuffed peppers for an hour in an apartment with no AC?

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Say hello to my little friend

There’s this story that a friend of mine told me almost two decades ago so the details are fuzzy but here’s what I remember: She was living and working two or three jobs in Florence, Italy and had a real Italian boyfriend. Her Italian was fantastic. She spoke it a mile a minute. One day she had an opportunity to make a little extra money at this catering event. She was serving breakfast to a bunch of fancy Italian men. She circulated through the room carrying a pitcher of freshly squeezed grapefruit juice. “Pompino?” she offered them. She thought pompino meant “grapefruit”. She couldn’t understand why the men were laughing and saying: “Si, si, signorina!” Turns out pompelmo is grapefruit in Italian, not pompino. Pompino means “blow job”.

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Always with the hot sauce

I was home alone last night so I did what anyone else in their right mind would do. After successfully installing a new set of shower curtains, I scrubbed the tub, harvested some chin hairs, grilled some halloumi, made a simple arugula salad with zucchini, mint, pecorino, and asparagus, poured myself a glass of cheap rosé, and watched Megan Leavey, a 2017 film about a U.S. Marine who returns from Iraq and eventually reunites with her bomb-sniffing combat dog.

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Garbage soup and being home alone

It is not uncommon for the Beast to have to fend for himself on a weeknight.

It is extremely rare, however, to find myself home alone. When it does happen, I am often overwhelmed with the anticipation of freedom: the very idea that I can eat and drink and watch whatever I want, with no debate, both thrills and paralyses me. Anything could happen.

Two weeks ago, the Beast had plans to see a concert with his older brother. It was happening. I was going to be home alone.

“I have no idea what I’m going to do tonight,” I told him that morning before I left for work.

“You could do what I do: read a play, masturbate, and then watch old episodes of Frontline on YouTube.”

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Who’s afraid of reading Virginia Woolf?

Beast: What do you think is the most-bought but least-read book in all of history?

Foodie: [Silence]

Beast: I bet it’s Gödel, Escher, Bach.

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Risotto and resolutions

On a recent week night:

Foodie: What smells so good?

Beast: I’m making risotto for dinner. But I haven’t even started it yet. You’re probably smelling the chicken stock, which I made from scratch, heating up.

Foodie: What kind of risotto are you making?

Beast: Obviously Milanese. But I’m using chicken stock instead of beef and I’m adding peas.

Foodie: So not Milanese then. Can you help me get my coat off?

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Here’s to ‘Peter’s Friends’ and more dinner parties

Sometimes I imagine how it would feel to discover an episode of, say, Sex and the City, that I’ve never watched before.

Now I don’t have to because a couple of days ago I learned of a Kenneth Branagh-directed movie co-starring Emma Thompson that I’d never heard of and let me tell you, it felt great.

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