Category Archives: At Home

“It’s a new world!”

The first Monday morning of the Beast’s early retirement, he said, still in bed, “I think I’ll make a frittata for dinner tonight.”

I rubbed my eyes, wondering if it was all a dream. Normally I am the one waking up with thoughts of the meal that is still 10 hours away on the the brain. What would all this potential freed-up head space mean? What would I fill it with?

I didn’t want to get ahead of myself, or frighten the Beast with too much enthusiasm, or jinx it, so I simply nodded and said: “That sounds nice.”

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Getting there

Despite rarely shifting past third gear until Barrie, Ont., we still made good time driving to the cottage last night.

To help pass said time, the Beast read aloud some Yelp restaurant reviews. I can’t remember when he first started doing this, but it’s something we both enjoy. Whether they are mundane reviews by “Tammy” about the cold biscuits from Red Lobster, or “Ryan” expressing outrage over the small portions at Denny’s, they are entertaining—and provide a glimpse of how average, humorous, and outrageous we humans can be.

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Early retirement and rosé all day

On Saturday we took my mom to the Keg in London, Ont., for her birthday dinner. It’s not often that we’re all–me, the Beast, mom, her partner Russ, my brother, sister in law, and my nephew, who is three and a half, out together.

The very kind server brought her a piece of that Billy Miner pie.

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I had one bite and then excused myself to the washroom, which Ben, my nephew, did repeatedly through the course of our meal. I think nearly everyone took him. He kept telling us he had to go poo but I don’t think he really needed to take one.

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Anger management: there’s an app for that

I’m sitting on the deck trying to murder wasps with the hose.

It’s on the “jet” setting and I want to take them all down.

I’ve been doing this frequently, while the Beast watches, concerned. He’s of the “leave them alone, and they will ignore you” school, which sounds like a school for people who share Deepak Chopra quotes on Facebook. It just doesn’t make any sense.

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Costco, home, and hands

Driving west on the 401 to London, Ont., to see my mom on Saturday morning:

Beast: That’s a nice Lincoln you just passed. You know, if I drove a Lincoln I wouldn’t stop doing Matthew McConaughey impressions the whole time.

Foodie: It’s probably for the best that we drive a VW.

Beast: Whoa! Did you see that?

Foodie: What? Where?

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Activating the Death Grip at the Cottage

Driving to the cottage on Friday night: 

Beast: Hypothetical question: If you could be a little waterfall, a big waterfall, a stream or a babbling brook, what would you be?

Foodie: [Silence]

Beast: Take your time on this one. I really want you to think about it.

Foodie: We are going to eat like kings this weekend! I think we’ll do up the sausages tonight and then have the macaroni and cheese tomorrow night. You should see the wine I got. I don’t even care that it’s supposed to rain all weekend.

Beast: Have you thought about it?

Foodie: Yes. I’d be a stream so that I was always moving and discovering new things.

Beast: Interesting choice. I’d choose the big waterfall because then I’d be huge.

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You can’t say that, plus cocktails

Sipping something approximating a Manhattan the other night, but with cardamom bitters and star anise, for cocktail hour:  

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Foodie: What’s that playing?

Beast: Kanye’s new album. A lot of people are shitting on it but it’s great.

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