Upstairs, in the bedroom, after work:
Beast: You know what I was thinking about today?
Foodie: What’s that?
Beast: How we’ll never have gender equality as long as it’s impossible for men to feel comfortable wearing long, chunky sweaters synched at the waist by a nice belt.
Foodie: What are you reading?
Beast: Just a biography on Francis Bacon.
Beast: The painter, not the philosopher.
Beast: You know what I think we should have for dinner tonight?
Foodie: We’re having homemade pizzas, remember?
Beast: We should have pasta with butter and cheese.
Foodie: Like a kid’s pasta?
Beast: What do you mean?
Foodie: I think that’s what kids have for dinner in Italy. Usually kids who refuse to eat anything else.
Beast: What kind of wine do these kids eat with their kid’s pasta?
Foodie: I think it’s sparking water, maybe with a dash of red wine.
Beast: Sounds delish!
Foodie: Well, I’m going to to go downstairs and start grating the cheese and chopping up peppers and onions.
Beast: When you’re down there, will you bring me up a Caravaggio picture book and also some Proust?
Foodie [half-way down the stairs]: I don’t even know where I’d find those books!
Beast [yelling from the bed]: THE PICTURE BOOK SECTION AND THEN CLASSIC FRENCH LITERATURE, UNDER P, YOU IDIOT!
Downstairs in the kitchen:
Foodie: Pour me some wine, would you?
Beast: Sure, then I have to start boiling the water for my kid’s pasta.
Foodie: Are you kidding me?! We’re having pizza!
Beast: I’m starving so I’m going to have both. [Rummaging through the cupboards] How old is this macaroni?
Foodie: Not that old. It’s fine.
Beast: That sounds like something a parent would tell a kid.
Foodie: Which is fitting because you’re making kid’s pasta.
Beast: What’s this fancy rigatoni?
Foodie: It’s for adult pasta.
Beast: Fine, I’ll use the macaroni. But you’re going to be begging me to have some.
Foodie: Do you want me to top your pizza?
Beast: Yes please.
Foodie: The usual? Sauce, cheese, onion, pepper…
Beast: No. Tonight I’m just having sauce, cheese and basil.
Foodie: What about the peppers and onion?
Beast: It doesn’t fit into my dinner vision.
Foodie: You realize you’re having a kid’s pizza to go with your kid’s pasta.
Beast: Do kids eat basil?
Beast: I didn’t think so. Also please don’t let those olives you’re chopping touch the basil. YUCK!
Foodie: You know who else usually doesn’t like olives?
Beast: People with good taste?
Beast: I have a movie suggestion tonight.
Foodie: Please don’t say an Antarctica documentary.
Beast: Daniel Craig is in it.
Foodie: Go on.
Beast: And Derek Jacobi and Tilda Swinton, too.
Beast: It’s called Love is the Devil and Derek plays Francis Bacon and Daniel plays his lover.
Although the Beast’s kid’s pasta was quite good, the movie, which Robert Ebert seemed to enjoy, wasn’t available on iTunes or any of our other streaming networks. Maybe it was for the best, seeing as it sounds like a movie for adults.
And besides, I don’t know if my head was in the right place on that cold, January night to watch anything that might require attention, or thought. It’s been a long month.
We settled on a couple episodes of Seinfeld instead.
Categories: At Home