Upstairs, in the bedroom, after work:
Beast: You know what I was thinking about today?
Foodie: What’s that?
Beast: How we’ll never have gender equality as long as it’s impossible for men to feel comfortable wearing long, chunky sweaters synched at the waist by a nice belt.
A recent work assignment landed me on board the Disney Fantasy for a seven-day cruise. Here is the text exchange that the Beast and I shared while I was away. (This conversation has been edited for clarity, length and so I don’t get fired.)
Beast: Scorsese biopic on the Dali Lama is on Youtube. I am going to watch it tonight. Miss you so much already.
Beast: Have you decided if you’re getting cornrows on the cruise yet? I think it’s something you should decide before you step onboard.
Beast: Can you believe that “how do I become the physical embodiment of jazz” was the #1 Google search from our IP address in 2015!?! Astounding.
“Promise me one thing,” I asked the Beast as we drove along the Trans-Canada highway from Calgary to Banff National Park, “You won’t make any of your adorable–but loud-and-distracting–little coos if you see wildlife.”
“Let me practise: There is a grizzly to your left,” he said in a subdued tone.
“That’s pretty good. I know it’s hard for you to hide your enthusiasm for Nature, but there’s black ice everywhere and I need to concentrate.”