Repetition, Liberty Valance, and leaning in

Foodie: I just love the combination of ham, scalloped potatoes and cabbage salad  all in one bite!

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Beast: You realize you’ve said that three times since we started eating, right?

Foodie: Oh have I?

Beast: It’s like when we pass an old and interesting-looking apartment building and you say: “I wonder what those apartments look like inside.” You say it every time. Even when it’s the same building.

Foodie: And the Hindu temple on Fern Ave! You know when I bike past at night and see all those families either coming or going and they’re carrying trays of food? I always say: “I’d really like to go there one night. Everyone always looks like they’re having such a good time.”

Beast: You basically say the same three things over and over again.

Foodie: I like how differently you’ve interpreted this dinner.

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Beast: I’m starving.

Foodie: What are we going to watch?

Beast: I’m thinking The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance.

Foodie: We just watched that!

Beast: That’s impossible. I guarantee you’ve never seen this movie.

Foodie: Yes I have.

Beast: What’s it about then?

Foodie: There’s a stage coach and they go on it and bandits get it and they end up in some saloon or something.

Beast: That’s the movie Stage Coach.

Foodie: [Silence]

Beast: The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance is incredible. It’s a stone-cold Hollywood classic. I promise you: you’ll love it and if you don’t, we’ll turn it off.

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Ten minutes later:

Foodie: John Wayne walks really funny, doesn’t he?

Beast: Are you kidding me right now?

Foodie: No! Look at him!

Beast: IT WAS AN AFFECTATION THAT HE DID IN EVERY ROLE HE EVER PLAYED LIKE GEORGE CLOONEY DOES WHEN HE DOESN’T SMILE AND PLAYS A LIBERAL.

Foodie: That steak they’re making sure looks good.

Beast: You know you always say that out loud, too–when we’re watching a movie and there’s food in it. You say:” Oh that roast beef sure looks good,” or “that cherry pie sure looks good.”

Foodie: Look at that slab bacon they’re cooking up! That looks good.

Beast: That thick bread smeared with butter looks good.

Foodie: God I love meat and potatoes. I think it’s my favourite.

After dinner:

Beast: Don’t we have any deep-dish apple pie around here?

Foodie: No and why would we?

Beast: Why don’t you ever buy any?

Foodie: You know you can buy deep-dish apple pie anytime you want.

Beast: I never think of it.

Foodie: Well, I won’t be buying any crap food until my birthday. I have to lose 5 lb. by then or else Lainey won’t come over for our celebratory feast.

Beast: Haven’t you been planning this feast since January?

Foodie: Yes.

Beast: I thought you guys lost the 15 lb. you promised to lose together already.

Foodie: Lainey did. I can’t seem to lose the last 5 lb. Now she’s resorted to tough love and if I don’t do it by November 15 I don’t even know what will happen but it won’t be good. And if I do, she’s coming over here and we get to eat pizza and French fries and probably some pie, too.

Beast: What does all this mean?

Foodie: I’m means I’m leaning in.

Beast: No, what does this mean for me?

Foodie: Well, you’re welcome to my healthy dinners for the next three weeks but if you need to supplement the meals, that’s on you.

Beast: I don’t want you to lose any weight.

Foodie: You just want me to buy pie.

Beast: That’s true but I’m serious: I don’t want you to get too skinny.

Foodie: My goal weight is 157 lb. Many people who weight 157 lb. have a goal weight of 125 lb. So you’ve got nothing to worry about.

Beast: Well I’m still starving.

Foodie: Probably because we only had one dinner tonight. We never went back for second dinner.

Beast: So you “leaning in” basically means you’re only eating one dinner a night?

Foodie: Yes, precisely.

Beast: I don’t think that’s what Sheryl Sandberg had in mind.

Foodie: Yeah well Sheryl Sandberg probably has a personal trainer and chef.

Still starving, I fell asleep on the couch while the Beast was picking out something to watch on Netflix. When I woke up, he had fallen asleep too, and was stuck on me, while the living room glowed warmly from another Hollywood classic playing on the television: Greg Kinnear and Matt Damon’s Stuck on You.

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3 responses to “Repetition, Liberty Valance, and leaning in

  1. Good luck on the weight loss. But, the beast was right. You look good exactly the way you are.

  2. Delicious and thoughtful as always. Thank you for making me smile. I would think a Lainey feast would probably be worth 3 lean weeks. 😊

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