Heading outside to the deck on Saturday morning to drink coffee and read the paper:
Foodie: Why are you wearing that?
Beast: Well, when you don’t have a weather-appropriate robe to wear, you’re forced to get creative.
Foodie: You really think you need a robe, don’t you? On top of the 15 pairs of loafers, the 40 pairs of shorts and button-ups, the 80 jackets and blazers.
Beast: I can’t believe you don’t support me getting a day robe. You have one.
Foodie: Yes, I have ONE. But I worry you will obsess about finding the perfect day robe and end up buying like 10 of them.
By 2:oo p.m., having only consumed black coffee, we were starving. We walked to Whippoorwill, a restaurant at Bloor and Lansdown, for some lunch. The Beast is working on an essay about about how objects define a person pegged to two films coming out on Yves Saint Laurent. So we talked about that. We also talked about how one of the cohosts on the TV show I work for keeps calling me a hipster.
The Beast orded a BLT and I decided on the poached eggs and biscuits with nettle pesto, fresh peas and hollandaise.
Foodie: This is so good. I don’t even want to ask for salt and pepper and you know how rare that is. How’s yours?
Beast: Fantastic. Take a look around, though.
Beast: This setting provides a pretty a good argument that we are hipsters.
Foodie: Are we hipsters? I feel like I’m too old to be a hipster. Plus, she bases her theory that I’m a hipster on me riding a bike, which I’ve been doing even before there were hipsters, having green kitchen cupboards, which were there when we moved in, and to having a giant map hanging in our living room, which was a gift from your little brother that he found in the trash.
Beast: I get called a hipster all the time and I hate it. I really do. What, because I have a beard? I am not a hipster because I don’t ever want to be with, ahead or in sync with the times. I genuinely like everything I like. I will wear high-waisted pants now and look like a hipster. But I’ll also be wearing them in 20 years and look like an old man.
Foodie: Oh, and when she found out the last book I read was Madame Bovary she was all like, “Hipster.” I just don’t see how reading Flaubert makes me a hipster.
Beast: Flaubert is not hip. The last book a hipster probably read would be by Chuck Klosterman. They’d say, “I’m not really into him anymore but I read everything he publishes.”
Foodie: See?! I don’t even know who that guy is! I also did a Buzzfeed quiz to find out if I was a hipster and I wasn’t.
Beast: Well, the answer to that quiz is actually inscribed in the act of doing it.
Beast: Would a hipster be learning to play French Impressionist piano music? Would a hipster write a letter to WNED Buffalo PBS complaining about their scheduling? Prefer Starbucks espresso to the majority of independent coffee shop’s espresso? Love Kevin James movies? Hate sports, including but also particularly, soccer? Listen to vocal recitations of the Koran while pumping iron? Find tattoos ugly and ridiculous? Want to get married at the Theodore Roosevelt Inaugural historic site in Buffalo and not invite his family?
Foodie: You want to get married?
After lunch, we walked down the street to a vintage store. The Beast wanted to show me a leather bomber jacket he’d been eying. The sales clerk greeted him like a brother.
Foodie: Don’t you have a jacket exactly like that?
Beast: Yes, but the zipper is broken and it will cost $45 to fix it.
Foodie: How much is that jacket?
Beast: Oh! Look at this Ralph Lauren jean jacket! What do you think?
Foodie: I think it’s too short in the arms and in the waist. Plus, it has ruching on the shoulders.
Beast: I like it.
Foodie: I just think we’re in two different places: I’m more interested in ridding myself of objects. You’re keen on collecting them.
Beast: I just don’t think you get me.
We picked up some groceries, some movies and walked home. I got back into my day robe and the Beast put on a pair of linen pants and we situated ourselves back on the patio with books, magazines and wine.
Foodie: Where did you get that Paul Newman book?
Beast: I bought it at a second-hand book store.
Foodie: Wow, is there anyone who’s ever been as handsome?
Foodie: Look at us: Drinking white wine on our deck, me wearing a day robe and you wearing your linen pants–and when did you put that blue linen handkerchief around your neck? It looks really good.
Beast: Thanks. If I had a day robe, I’d be wearing it.
Foodie: We’re not hipsters. Hipsters would be out doing stuff on such a lovely day, maybe drinking on a public patio, drinking in the park. [Pause] Do you think we’re vacuous?
Beast: Did you say fatuous?
Foodie: No I said VACuous. What does fatuous mean?
Beast: I don’t know but I think it applies. What movie are we going to watch tonight?
Foodie: What did we rent again?
Beast: The Paul Newman western, Hombre, or The Elephant Man, Mulholland Drive, Le Strada…
Foodie: Let’s go with Paul Newman.
Beast: Okay. [Pause] I think I’m going to go back and get that jacket.