Getting home on Tuesday after a long day at work to find the Beast, who had the day off, scurry down into the kitchen to put on a pot of boiling water, which I told him to put on 30 minutes earlier, so that he could make a pasta for our dinner. He has to cook dinner on his day off now. It’s a new rule. I keep a list on the kitchen chalkboard of possible weeknight meals that we or he can make and all he has to do is pick one and fucking make it.
Foodie: You didn’t put the water on yet, did you? That’s okay. You’re not in trouble because, wow, the house looks great. Did you tidy up or something?
Beast: I had to tidy up or else you would have divorced me. The place was a di-sas-ter!
Foodie: If you lived alone, do you think you’d live like an animal?
Beast: I’d be a fucking mess.
Foodie: Do you think there’d be blood and food and bodily fluids dripping from the rafters?
Beast: Yes, and there’d be so many mice and I’d teach them all how to play a musical instruments. What am I supposed to be making for dinner again?
Foodie: Are you kidding me? You said you wanted that radicchio and gorgonzola pasta?
Beast: Oh, right. How do I make it?
Foodie: Are you kidding me? I told you over the phone before I left work!
Beast: How should I cut the radicchio?
Foodie: Give the knife to me.
Beast: NO! I’m doing it!
Foodie: Okay, just cut off the end there, and then cut it down the middle and then cut thin half moons.
Beast: Like this?
Foodie: Are you cutting like a 95-year-old woman on purpose, or is that just how you cut?
Beast: What do you mean? Hey, how much cheese should we add? Not the whole wedge, right?
Foodie: No, not the whole wedge. I don’t fucking know. Add a bit at a time and see what happens. I haven’t made this pasta in years. I don’t even think it’s a real dish. Did we just make it up?
Beast: You made it up and I love it! Now what?
Foodie: Put the radicchio in that hot pan with olive oil and get it nice and brown. Then add the cheese and then add the cooked pasta to the pan and toss it all up. Maybe add a little milk if it’s dry.
Beast: Should I reserve some pasta water?
Foodie: Wow. I can’t believe you just said that.
Beast: I’m going to write a book and it’s going to be called, A Chef Prepares. It’s going to be like method acting for cooks where you just use your sense memories rather than recipes.
Foodie: I don’t know what that means. (Pause) How can you cook to this music?
Beast: There will be a chapter in my book about that. You’ll have to wait.
Foodie: Who is this?
Beast: It’s Lennie Tristano’s, Intuition.
Foodie: I don’t like it. But I love this yellow sweatshirt you’re wearing. Can I borrow it?
Foodie: You know, now that you’re working out so much, you’ve started to take on the proportions of Marky Mark; short, stocky legs, long simian-like arms, a small waist and a big chest. You look great.
Beast: That’s probably the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.
Categories: At Home