2010’s Last Supper

This morning in the kitchen.

Foodie:  Good morning!

Beast:  Are you making coffee?

Foodie:  Yes and it’ll be ready in four minutes.

Beast: Thank you.  And happy new year.

Foodie:  I think we fell asleep at 10 last night!

Beast:  You fell asleep at 9:30.  I stayed awake until midnight.

Foodie:  You did?  Why didn’t you wake me up?

Beast:  I did wake you up and made you go upstairs to bed.

Foodie: Oh.  Thanks.  I guess that means I got 12 hours of sleep under my belt. I had a really nice time last night.  Did you?

Beast: It was a perfect evening.

The Beast and I decided to stay in and have one of our favourite meals: a snack meal.  That’s where you get all your favourite snacks, lay them out and make a dinner out of it.

We had our favourite cheeses, including some grilled haloumi, and some sliced cacciatore, some bruschetta-style tomatoes, mashed up avocado, potato chips, grilled bread, beer, and a very good bottle of wine.

And it was almost more fun preparing our Snack Dinner than it was consuming it.

Last night in the kitchen.

Foodie (walking into the kitchen naked after having a shower):  You know, I think you were right all those years ago when you said my back looked like an old-time bodybuilder’s from the 1950s.  I thought it was an insult then, but now I’m not so sure.

Beast (chopping tomatoes): I meant it as a complement.

Foodie (flexing):  I mean, look at this.  Look at these lines.

Beast:  That’s exactly what I’m talking about man! Look at them!  You look like a male bodybuilder.  (Pause)  From the 1950s.

Foodie (holding breath while still flexing and grunting a bit):  Yeah!  From the 50s.  Like, sort of feminine because the muscles are soft around the edges.  Do you find it upsetting to be dating somebody who’s more muscular than you are?

Beast:  Do you mean is it hard for you?

Foodie: Do you want to have a flex-off tonight?

Beast:  No.  You’d win.  But that’s all going to change in 2011.  I’m going to start working out.

Foodie:  What kind of working out?

Beast:  Push-ups, sit-ups, and running.  I’m going to do everything.  Everything it takes to be the best.  Like Mark Walberg in The Fighter.

Foodie:  You’re kind of dressed like Mark Walberg in The Fighter right now, like a boxer in training.

Foodie:  Let me go get my pajamas on and then I’ll come downstairs and help with Snack Dinner prep.

Beast:  Pajamas?  It’s only 6:30!

Foodie:  So?  You’re wearing a grey jogging suit which is tantamount to wearing pajamas.

Beast:  I’ll tell you what–you go get your pajamas on and just relax while I take care of making dinner.

Foodie: Like, you’re going to do everything?

Beast:  Yes, everything.

Foodie:  Deal.

15 minutes later, in the kitchen.

Foodie:  Do you want me to open up the wine for you?

Beast:  Yes please.

Foodie:  Do you need help with those tomatoes?

Beast:  No.

Foodie:  Okay, but I find it easier if you use a serrated blade–

Beast: I’m doing it my way thank you.

Foodie:  Do you want me to slice the baguette and make it into crostini?

Beast:  I already did that but you could turn on the oven.

Foodie:  Wow!  I’m really impressed with you.  Can I do anything?  Want me to slice the haloumi and get the pan ready for grilling?

Beast:  That would be very helpful.

Together, the Beast and I put together our Snack Dinner, and together, we ate it in the living room with a fire blazing and old episodes of Northern Exposure playing on the TV.  He had a glass of wine but mostly stuck to beer, which forced me to finish said bottle of wine on my own.

This also explains why I fell asleep at 9:30.

Back to this morning, on the couch, reading papers and drinking coffee.

Beast (looking under pile of papers):  Hey!  When did the new New Yorker arrive?

Foodie:  Yesterday.  I forgot to tell you.

The Beast then did what he does whenever this magazine arrives: he turned right to the back where the cartoon caption contest page is.

Beast:  “No, You’re the ones acting like a bunch of pussies!”

Foodie:  Wow!  You’ve done it again!  You really are very good at this you know.

Beast:  I know!  Watch this!

Beast (pointing to the cartoon on the left):  “I said spaghetti carbonara not spaghetti carbonator!” (And then pointing–with great gusto–to the one on the right)  “I’m on a hive-to-table diet!”

Foodie:  I don’t know what to say.  You’re amazing.  It’s a skill I don’t possess–I wouldn’t even know where to begin with captioning these cartoons!

Seeing that the Beast was on a high note, I carefully slipped in a suggestion on how to spend the rest of our morning.

Foodie:  How about I make pancakes–

Beast:  From scratch!?

Foodie  No–from a mix.  And we watch a couple episodes from season four of Friday Night Lights.

Beast:  Sure, sounds good.  I love class consciousness and I love sports.

Foodie:  Really?!  I thought you’d hate this idea!

Beast: No, it’s actually not that bad of a show.  (Pause)  But don’t forget that I invited over Nick Edwards for dinner tonight.

Foodie:  Oh right.  But you’re making the dinner, correct?

Beast (looking at me like I’m crazy): I thought you knew I was joking when I said that I’d make the dinner.

Foodie (sighing):  Okay, but you’re helping me.

Beast:  I’ll take two pancakes please.

It was a perfectly relaxing morning–and a perfect way to start a new year.

Foodie: ***

Beast: ***1/2

3 responses to “2010’s Last Supper

  1. I hope you both have a great 2011! I would warn you against FNL season 4 – IT IS HORRIBLE!!!!! Beast, if you need a workout partner, I am considering getting big rocks and broken heavy things to put in a field to lift and push and roll and get old-school in shape (by which I mean by breaking your back doing stupid, yet manly things) also, I have a car and some rope…we could force each other to jog! Anyhow, I have loads of good ideas on this subject, we should talk. Wait, this is Beastie and the Beast right? Um….something relevant to food…..those pancakes looked delicious! Also, I firmly believe in your “snack as dinner is dinner” someone teach Jamie Oliver to teach this to overly-athletic kids in England, please?

  2. Firstly, I too wish the protagonists of FATB a great 2011, although not flatline great, which would be boring for us, your faithful readers. A bit of a rollercoaster ride of dizzying heights and very brief but instructive lows will be more fun. Second, season 4 is wicked, and Seejaypee does not know what he/she is talking about. Unless that is an attempt at misdirection that will serve to lower their expectations and increase (relatively) their enjoyment of the aforementioned season, in which case, well played sir/lady.

    Third, did you steal that wine pitcher from a local pizzeria?

    • Thanks Seejaypee and Stephen™ for the happy new year wishes.

      Seejaypee, I think it would be grand if you could get the Beast to do some outdoor activities, especially the being tied to a car jogging idea. Though, do be careful. Also, you too can make pancakes like those featured in the blog–just buy a box of Aunt Jemima buttermilk pancake mix, add water and you’re good to go!

      Stephen™, that pitcher does come from a local pizzeria–from the one where I occasionally work. When ceramics get noticeably chipped there, they’re recycled (or taken from the recycling bin and brought to a good home.) Good eye.

      Now, gentlemen, about season 4 of FNL: the last thing I want to do is polarize the readers of FATB. I mean, Seejaypee, you were the one who originally lent me season 1 and got me hooked. And Stephen™, well, you’re FATB’s premier commenter. But after having watched ten episodes from said season in one day, I must agree with Stephen™–it’s a real tour de force. I can only presume that Seejaypee was thinking of season 2 (writer’s strike + strange murder plot line), or that he–being the gentle, loyal, sensitive soul that he is–couldn’t get over the fact that Coach Taylor is now a lion rather than a panther. But I ask you: what would Coach Taylor have us do? Do some suicide runs together? Burpies? Tie ourselves to a car with some rope and start running? I don’t know! Perhaps I’ll have a solution later on tonight upon completion of the season’s viewing: only three more episodes to go.

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