This morning in the kitchen.
Foodie: Good morning!
Beast: Are you making coffee?
Foodie: Yes and it’ll be ready in four minutes.
Beast: Thank you. And happy new year.
Foodie: I think we fell asleep at 10 last night!
Beast: You fell asleep at 9:30. I stayed awake until midnight.
Foodie: You did? Why didn’t you wake me up?
Beast: I did wake you up and made you go upstairs to bed.
Foodie: Oh. Thanks. I guess that means I got 12 hours of sleep under my belt. I had a really nice time last night. Did you?
Beast: It was a perfect evening.
The Beast and I decided to stay in and have one of our favourite meals: a snack meal. That’s where you get all your favourite snacks, lay them out and make a dinner out of it.
We had our favourite cheeses, including some grilled haloumi, and some sliced cacciatore, some bruschetta-style tomatoes, mashed up avocado, potato chips, grilled bread, beer, and a very good bottle of wine.
And it was almost more fun preparing our Snack Dinner than it was consuming it.
Last night in the kitchen.
Foodie (walking into the kitchen naked after having a shower): You know, I think you were right all those years ago when you said my back looked like an old-time bodybuilder’s from the 1950s. I thought it was an insult then, but now I’m not so sure.
Beast (chopping tomatoes): I meant it as a complement.
Foodie (flexing): I mean, look at this. Look at these lines.
Beast: That’s exactly what I’m talking about man! Look at them! You look like a male bodybuilder. (Pause) From the 1950s.
Foodie (holding breath while still flexing and grunting a bit): Yeah! From the 50s. Like, sort of feminine because the muscles are soft around the edges. Do you find it upsetting to be dating somebody who’s more muscular than you are?
Beast: Do you mean is it hard for you?
Foodie: Do you want to have a flex-off tonight?
Beast: No. You’d win. But that’s all going to change in 2011. I’m going to start working out.
Foodie: What kind of working out?
Beast: Push-ups, sit-ups, and running. I’m going to do everything. Everything it takes to be the best. Like Mark Walberg in The Fighter.
Foodie: You’re kind of dressed like Mark Walberg in The Fighter right now, like a boxer in training.
Foodie: Let me go get my pajamas on and then I’ll come downstairs and help with Snack Dinner prep.
Beast: Pajamas? It’s only 6:30!
Foodie: So? You’re wearing a grey jogging suit which is tantamount to wearing pajamas.
Beast: I’ll tell you what–you go get your pajamas on and just relax while I take care of making dinner.
Foodie: Like, you’re going to do everything?
Beast: Yes, everything.
15 minutes later, in the kitchen.
Foodie: Do you want me to open up the wine for you?
Beast: Yes please.
Foodie: Do you need help with those tomatoes?
Foodie: Okay, but I find it easier if you use a serrated blade–
Beast: I’m doing it my way thank you.
Foodie: Do you want me to slice the baguette and make it into crostini?
Beast: I already did that but you could turn on the oven.
Foodie: Wow! I’m really impressed with you. Can I do anything? Want me to slice the haloumi and get the pan ready for grilling?
Beast: That would be very helpful.
Together, the Beast and I put together our Snack Dinner, and together, we ate it in the living room with a fire blazing and old episodes of Northern Exposure playing on the TV. He had a glass of wine but mostly stuck to beer, which forced me to finish said bottle of wine on my own.
This also explains why I fell asleep at 9:30.
Back to this morning, on the couch, reading papers and drinking coffee.
Beast (looking under pile of papers): Hey! When did the new New Yorker arrive?
Foodie: Yesterday. I forgot to tell you.
The Beast then did what he does whenever this magazine arrives: he turned right to the back where the cartoon caption contest page is.
Beast: “No, You’re the ones acting like a bunch of pussies!”
Foodie: Wow! You’ve done it again! You really are very good at this you know.
Beast: I know! Watch this!
Beast (pointing to the cartoon on the left): “I said spaghetti carbonara not spaghetti carbonator!” (And then pointing–with great gusto–to the one on the right) “I’m on a hive-to-table diet!”
Foodie: I don’t know what to say. You’re amazing. It’s a skill I don’t possess–I wouldn’t even know where to begin with captioning these cartoons!
Seeing that the Beast was on a high note, I carefully slipped in a suggestion on how to spend the rest of our morning.
Foodie: How about I make pancakes–
Beast: From scratch!?
Foodie No–from a mix. And we watch a couple episodes from season four of Friday Night Lights.
Beast: Sure, sounds good. I love class consciousness and I love sports.
Foodie: Really?! I thought you’d hate this idea!
Beast: No, it’s actually not that bad of a show. (Pause) But don’t forget that I invited over Nick Edwards for dinner tonight.
Foodie: Oh right. But you’re making the dinner, correct?
Beast (looking at me like I’m crazy): I thought you knew I was joking when I said that I’d make the dinner.
Foodie (sighing): Okay, but you’re helping me.
Beast: I’ll take two pancakes please.
It was a perfectly relaxing morning–and a perfect way to start a new year.