At Home

Medley Mealtime

(On the phone yesterday afternoon)

Beast: Are you going to be home for dinner tonight or what?

Foodie: I think so, if I can get my shit done. It might be late, like 9:30pm.

Beast: That’s perfect. I’ll be home by 9:00pm, and I’ll bring dinner.

Foodie: Pardon?

Beast: I’m going to bring home some homemade lasagna and eggplant parmigiana from the espresso place across the street from work.

Foodie: They started making food?

Beast: Yes, and don’t be a snob about it. It’s really good. They’re from Rome you know.

Foodie: I wasn’t being a snob about it! I’m sure it’s going to be great.

Beast: Can you pick up makings for a salad?

Foodie: Sure.

Beast: Caesar salad please. And can you pick up one of those frozen garlic breads with cheese on it?

Foodie: Okay.

Beast: Great. See you tonight.

We met just on time, shortly after 9:30pm, in the kitchen.

Foodie: I think this is going to be the first night we’ve had dinner together at home in about three weeks.

Beast: I KNOW–and I had to make it!

Foodie: I wouldn’t call you bringing home prepared foods making dinner. Anyway, it’ll be–wait: what pants are you wearing?

Beast: What, these? You bought them for me a few years ago, from H&M I think.

Foodie: Wow. That’s a seriously cool outfit. You’ve got my Dior belt on, and…are you wearing my ring?

Beast: Just as a joke, but I’m thinking I might start wearing rings. What do you think?

Foodie: Absolutely not. I won’t allow it. And I thought you were against cool pants?

Beast: Whoops–I did it again!

Foodie: Did what again? Be cool again?

Beast: Exactly. Would you please help me? I’m doing everything here! Can you at least open up the pre-packaged garlic bread?

Foodie: This is disgusting. It’s covered in oil! Feel it!

Beast: No way. Please don’t skimp on the bacon bits in the salad.

Foodie: Everything we’re having tonight comes from a package–the bacon bits, the croutons, the romaine lettuce, the lasagna and eggplant parmigiano, and even the fucking garlic bread. This is horrific.

Beast: This is amazing. This is a perfect dinner in my eyes.

Foodie: It really is, isn’t it? You love frozen lasanga.

Beast: This lasagna is not frozen! It’s really good!

Foodie: Fine. I just want half a piece of each please.

Beast: That’s all I was going to give you anyway. The other lasagna is for my lunch tomorrow.

Foodie: You’re being awfully sassy tonight.

Beast: Well you’ve left me home alone for A MONTH!!!! Give me the bottle of Zin that Aaron brought you and I’ll open it up. (Footnote: Aaron was a student at the school in Florence where I was a teaching assistant. He and his roommates were all extraordinary people with whom I still keep in touch. He stayed with us for two nights earlier this week–an experience which will provide the subject for the next post–and brought a bottle of zinfandel for me, remembering that I loved it many years ago.)

Foodie: I can’t watch you open up a bottle of wine wearing a ring.

Beast: Relax man! I bet you won’t tell your F&B readers that you used to love Zin.

Foodie: I can’t believe you just said F&B and Zin in the same sentence.

Beast: Zin is sogauche. Aren’t you embarrassed?

Foodie: That was, like, eight years ago! People’s palates for wine inevitably change over time. Oh God.

Beast: What?

Foodie: Eight years ago, I was still older than you are now.

Beast: And I’m old enough to know that zins are for fuck brains.

Foodie: I think there’s a time and a place for them.

With our plates loaded up, and our wine glasses filled with a lovely, not-over-the-top, zinfandel, we made our way into the living room. The Beast turned on the TV and tuned into a baseball game.

Foodie: This eggplant parmigiana is really, really good!

Beast: I told you you’d like it.

Foodie: Why is the stadium at this baseball game so full?!

Beast: It’s the World Series.

Foodie: Since when do you watch baseball?

Beast: I don’t. You can turn it, but TV is shit. At least watching baseball doesn’t make you feel bad about the human condition.

Foodie: Wow. Would you say that about all sports or just baseball?

Beast: Just baseball. Did you try the lasagna yet?

Foodie: I did. It’s good, but I like the eggplant parmigiana better.

Beast: Will you go get me the other lasagna?

Foodie: I thought you said that was for your lunch tomorrow.

Beast: You’re right.  I’ll take another glass of wine then.

I filled up our glasses and then we curled up on the couch. While the Beast watched the baseball game, I read a magazine.

It’s nice to be home.

Foodie: **

Beast: ***




Categories: At Home

6 replies »

  1. someone who has just had major abdominal surgery should not be permitted to look at that outfit………..i almost busted open my scar – we are on a strict “don’t make patti laugh” rule around here.
    and by the way, zin is apparently making a comeback around here – so say the wine snobs.

  2. I will be smiling for the rest of the day, thinking of you, Aaron and the Beast hanging out. Can’t wait for the next post!

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