At Home

Sandwiches and Bourbon.

Last Sunday my friend Sarah and I hosted a baby shower for Giovanna.  From the beginning of our planning, I imagined serving sandwiches with the crusts cut off. I don’t know why. I guess it just seems like a really classy thing to have at a ladies’ luncheon: sandwiches with the crusts cut off.  I made egg salad, and while I thought about fancying it up a bit with some fresh dill, I opted to make it more like the egg salad you’d find in the basement of a United Church bazaar, but with less mayonnaise. It really is the best sort.  I also decided to make a very European style of sandwich because there would be Italian people at this shower: So on white Wonder bread, I prepared ham, swiss cheese, and Boston leaf lettuce sandwiches, with a squirt of Dijon mustard.  The sandwiches were a big hit.  And the best part was that there were left-overs for me to feed the Beast.

Beast:  I’m home!

Foodie:  Oh good, you bought potato chips.

Beast (seeing the loaf of brown bread on the counter):  Where’s the white bread?

Foodie:  You said you were going to buy it because you were going to pick up potato chips.

Beast:  I thought you said you were going to buy it because you had to go get brown bread.

Foodie:  Well I thought you were joking because why would I go out and buy two different loaves of bread?  And in the case that you weren’t joking, I figured you’d buy it yourself.

Beast:  I’m not joking!  I hate brown bread!  How can you not know this about me?

Foodie:  I thought you were just being difficult, like as a joke.  It’s not that different from white bread you know, taste-wise.

Beast:  Are you kidding me?  When you eat that shit all you taste is the brown and you can’t taste the good stuff you put between it!

Foodie:  You’re crazy.  Well, I need to shower so if you want white bread that badly why don’t you go out and buy a loaf.

Beast (looking very pathetic):  O    k        a        y.  I’m just so tired after working all day and I’m still taking my medication which I think makes me more tired.

Foodie:  Do you want me to go get it for you?

Beast:  No, no.  I’m just being a baby.  It’s fine.  I’ll put my shoes back on and go get it.

Foodie:  Why don’t you take my bike?  You’ll be back in under five minutes.

Beast:  How do you expect me to ride a bike in my current condition (see previous post)?  Do you know how painful that would be?

Foodie:  Well then I’ll go on my bike and be back in under two minutes.

Beast:  No.  I’m going.  You have your shower and then we’ll have our sandwiches.

And that’s exactly what happened.

The Beast prepared two egg salad sandwiches and one ham and swiss.  I had one of each.  And then we watched two episodes of Deadwood, a show to which we recently became addicted.

Foodie:  This isn’t a fancy dinner, but man oh man do I like egg salad, especially this batch.  It may be some of the best egg salad I’ve ever had, don’t you think?

Beast:  It’s good.  (Taking another bite and really thinking about it).  It’s excellent in fact.

The next night we had sandwiches again.  And we watched more Deadwood.  

Foodie:  Can you pause the show please?

Beast: What is it?

Foodie:  I just realized that I made you sandwiches for dinner two nights in a row and you never complained.

Beast:  Why would I complain?

Foodie: It’s not really a real dinner.

Beast:  I’m grateful for every dinner that you make.

Foodie:  You really are, aren’t you.  

Beast:  Of course I am!  If you didn’t feed me I would eat Macdonald’s every night. 

Foodie:  I think these sandwiches are really good too.

Beast:  Yes, you said that last night as well.  I’m honestly happy with anything you make. Honestly.  Except for whole wheat pasta.  I hate it.  And same goes for the whole wheat bread but you know that.  Stop trying to trick me into eating it.

Foodie:  Fair enough.

Beast:  And can I be really honest here?

Foodie:  Please do!

Beast:  Those roasted root vegetables that you always do in the winter, with the meat loaf, I’m not crazy about it.

Foodie:  That is one of my all-time favourite meals!  I could eat it once e week easily.

Beast:  We do eat it once a week and it’s not that great.

Foodie:  You’re f–king nuts.  That is such a good dinner.  Don’t you love how I sprinkle the remaining bits of Lipton’s onion soup mix that I use to make the meat loaf right on top of the vegetables?  It really unifies everything.

Beast:  Can I press play now?  Actually, I’m going to pour myself a bourbon.  Do you want one?

That’s the thing with Deadwood:  They drink whiskey for breakfast and make it look so glorious.  We’ve been drinking a lot of bourbon as a result.

Foodie:  Yes, I’ll have one of those.  And I put chopped up dill pickles in that egg salad and you hate pickles and you didn’t even know I put them in there.  And you loved that egg salad.  You loved it.

Foodie:  ***

Beast:  **

Categories: At Home

1 reply »

  1. Foodie I just wanted to confirm positively that those were in fact the best egg salad sandwiches that I’ve ever had as well.

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