(In a car, driving to Burrito Boys on Adelaide Street after making a pit stop at The Shoe Company on Yonge Street.)
Foodie: Thank you so much for driving me to The Shoe Company. I know how hungry you are. I just really wanted to return those sandals and wipe the experience of buying them from my memory.
Beast: We have a nice time together, don’t we.
Foodie: Yes, we have the best time. We also have the worst time.
Beast: Suck my Dickens.
Foodie: You don’t like Dickens?
Beast: It was a joke in reference to you referencing A Tale of Two Cities.
Foodie: Never read it. Did you?
Beast: Yes, in high school.
Foodie: Did you like it?
Beast: How should I know? I was 16.
(Pulling up in front of Burrito Boyz and parking.)
Beast: The great thing about this place is that while you wait for your burrito to be made you can go down the street to a club for a quick cocktail and a little dance. (Mom, this area of Adelaide street is littered with clubs, like the real kind of clubs you see on TV with fake velvet ropes, big bouncers at the doors, and pretty ladies wearing no skirts and really high heels drunk and crying outside because of some bro of a cock-sucker inside who probably kissed one of their best friends or something like that.)
Foodie: Did you know that Joanne Kates included this place on her top 100 list of best restaurants in the city?
Beast: Yes, I think you told me three times in the last hour. What are you going to have? Dinner is on me tonight.
Foodie: Well, after the way you went on about how life-changing the halibut burrito is, I think I’ll have that. And make it the large one please.
The Beast ordered for us and then we shuffled over to get our tortillas topped with any number of choice ingredients we desired.
Foodie: You can get all of these toppings? Even the guacamole?
Foodie: What you getting?
Beast: Everything but the hot peppers.
Foodie: I’m getting everything but the green peppers.
The staff at Burrito Boyz are all young, exuberant and incredibly agile in their burrito stuffing capabilities. They move so fast that the naked eye has a hard time discerning their next move. Once your burrito is topped, it gets handed over to the protein section where they fill it with chicken, steak, fish or soy and then it gets browned on the grill. Staff call out your order number once your burrito is packed in the cutest little brown bag. The place runs like a well-oiled machine.
Foodie: We came at the right time–look at the line-up! Can you imagine how jammed this place must be at two in the morning on a Saturday night?
The Beast didn’t have time to imagine that nightmare because our numbers were called. We drove home to the west end in record time while singing along to Dion’s Runaround Sue–perhaps one of the best driving songs in recorded history.
Foodie: These things are as heavy as a little baby.
Beast: Do you want to split a big can of beer?
Foodie: No thanks. Actually, yes I do. I’m going to have a little wedge of lime in my beer. You want one too?
Beast: No, that’s okay–I’m not a woman or a jock.
Beast: So, what do you think?
Foodie: It’s delicious. It’s really, really good. I’m just going to grab some more lime so I can squeeze it on my burrito, and maybe some tomatillo salsa.
(I run to the kitchen, grab the lime, and leave the jar of tomatillo salsa because it has mold on top.)
Beast: How does it taste with the lime?
Beast: Why don’t I believe you?
Foodie: What are you talking about?
Beast: I think you’re trying to make this burrito into something that it isn’t.
Foodie: I couldn’t have said it better myself. It’s not that I don’t like, it’s just that when I imagined a burrito stuffed with halibut I though about a cilantro and lime flavour profile, and less about melted cheddar and beans, even though I asked for all that stuff. Does that make sense?
Beast: Yes. But let that go and accept this burrito for what it is.
I did, and I enjoyed my first Burrito Boyz experience. But there was something brewing deep inside of me; a desire to construct a dinner with my own hands featuring grilled fish, lime, cilantro, maybe some red onion and perhaps some avocado. And it would all be combined in perfect harmony and it would all be shoved into a corn tortilla.
I would not rest until I realized this dream.