Beast: You know, I’ve always hoped that someday you could use the tag line, Food brought them together. And food tore them apart, in your blog. And I think you’re finally going to be able to incorporate it into your next post.
It’s true. The Beast and I have had quite the week trying to figure out where to dine for my 100th post which is supposed to go online July 28th, which is today, which is this blog’s two year anniversary.
Foodie: I’m never going to build up an event like this again. The pressure is too much to bear.
Beast: I think the pressure may be just in your head–it’s not like people are waiting for this post.
Foodie: Oh yes they are! I rode past Terroni on Queen and Steven was on the street with his handsome cousins and–
Beast: I like that you call girls handsome.
Foodie: They were boy cousins.
Foodie: Let me finish: They were asking me where we’re planning to go. People are waiting for this post! It’s killing me!
Beast: Food brought them together and food tore them apart.
I had thought about Chippy’s fish and chips all day but then I decided it wasn’t quite right for such a momentous occasion. So I biked right past it on my way home from work. By 6:30 last night, when I finally got home, we still hadn’t decided what to eat. And to make matters worse/better, it was our weekly night with Nick Edwards.
The three of us sat on the deck in the end-of-day sunshine.
Beast: Okay, Plan One: we drive to Tom’s Dairy Freeze and get burgers and fries to go and then drive to High Park and watch the sunset. Or Plan Two: we drive to Tom’s Dairy Freeze and we go to Mamma Martino’s, which is beside Tom’s, for dinner and then go back to Tom’s for ice cream.
(Note to readers: We have a car for three whole weeks. Tom’s Dairy Freeze and Mamma Martino’s–both situated on the Queensway–are fun/funny places to go when you have a car.)
Foodie: Those are both excellent ideas. But I don’t think I feel like the sort of burger and french fries I suspect we’d get from Tom’s. I like the ice cream idea though. And Mamma Martino’s, isn’t that expensive?
Nick: No, it’s cheap. We looked at the menu once.
Foodie: But what about Hell’s Kitchen? Wouldn’t it be nice if we had take-out so that we could watch our show? Plus we have a nice bottle of white wine all ready to drink.
Beast: You’re leaning towards Chippy’s again, aren’t you.
Foodie: I think I may be.
Beast: I don’t feel like fish and chips because Christina brought me a Peking duck today at work.
Who’s Christina? Let me tell you: She’s a rich Chinese lady that comes to visit the Beast nearly every day at his place of employment. She loves to bring him food because, as she told me when I got to meet her not too long ago, “Oh he love to eat so much! I never see any man eat so much in all my life!” In exchange for the gorgeous Chinese delights that Christina brings the Beast from her favourite restaurant in Richmond Hill, she expects that he’ll contact her should a good quality curio cabinet come in (he works at a consignment shop that sells everything from jewelry to furniture). She’s needs the display case in order to properly flaunt her Swarovski crystal collection.
Foodie: You ate an entire duck today?
Beast: No, just two legs and a breast. The other breast is downstairs in the fridge.
Beast: You know what? Let’s just go to Chippy’s.
He sensed, correctly, that I was about to lose my mind. It was a selfless act on his part and I won’t forget it.
So we piled into the car like a happy family and drove to Chippy’s–the original location on Queen Street West.
Mom, right across the street from Chippy’s is Trinity Bellwoods Park. Many people who live in the neighbourhood, and many that don’t, get their fish and chips to go and then eat it under a tree. It’s quite lovely actually, as long as they clean up after themselves.
We’ve had a lot of fish and chips from Chippy’s over the years. When it’s good, it’s really good. But it can also be pretty bad. I think it depends on what sort of mood the twenty-year-old, tattooed and heavily pierced person making your fish and chips is in. And how high they are. And how loud the music is. Sometimes I wonder what parents think when they bring their kids in to get some takeaway fish and chips and they hear one of Snoop Dogg’s more poetic lines blasting from the stereo, like “So we gonna smoke a ounce to this / Gs up, hoes down, while you motherfuckers bounce to this.”
But you take your chances because when they get it right, Chippy’s can rival the best fish and chips in the city.
Our food was ready in no time. All we had to do was drive the two kilometers home, which only only took about 90 minutes. I could have walked home backwards with my pants around my ankles and been home faster and I should have too because I have never been more hungry in life but Queen Street was a disaster and then right before we turned onto our street the Beast decided that we should go to the LCBO and pick up one more bottle of white wine so we drove to the new fancy LCBO at Dundas Street West and Bloor only to find it closed and it was only 8:30pm so then we drove to the LCBO at Brock and Queen and I ran in and bought a bottle and then we drove home in bad traffic again and I could barely speak in the back seat because of my hunger pangs and the Beast and Nick kept talking about whether or not the World Cup helped or hindered South Africa and all the while some crazy music was playing and I wanted to eat everybody’s chips in secret back there in the car but I didn’t even open the bag because I didn’t want to let the heat out.
Beast: (with remote control in hand) Hell’s Kitchen isn’t on, but Gordon Ramsay’s new show, MasterChef, is!
Nick: I think I may be done with Gordon.
Foodie: We need to eat. Now.
The other funny thing about Chippy’s is that you never get all your special sauces and sides that you order. But because you’re too afraid of the twenty-year-old person serving you, you don’t open up the bag while you’re there to check and see that they got it right. You just take your chances.
This time we were missing mushy peas and a coleslaw. But more importantly, I was missing a good attitude. After eating my dinner too quickly, I excused myself and went to bed feeling uncomfortably full and guilty for forgetting to tell Nick about the new piece of music the Beast had just made, and for just being a terrible host.
There you have it. Chippy’s. I know you were expecting Eigensinn Farms or the Keg Steakhouse Mansion. I’m sorry. Oh and look! It’s just after midnight so I missed my self-imposed deadline for posting my 100th entry on this blog’s second anniversary of existence.
This is bullshit. Good night. And we should have gone to Mamma Martino’s.
Beast: * (and **** for the Peking duck)
Footnote: If you’d like to hear the piece of Beast music that I forgot to tell Nick Edwards about, then click here, but please promise to read the accompanying post and then just scroll down to hear the song, which is called Render Unto Caesar, and please use headphones when listening because it will sound better. And give it 60 seconds or so. And I’m going to get into a lot of trouble for this so I won’t do it again.)