There’s something you should know about me: pizza is my favourite food. It really is a pefect meal, a perfect invention really. Think about it: every food group, if you choose the proper toppings, is represented within the perimeter of the pie, and it’s usually an economically sound meal. And it’s fucking delicious.
When I told my boss at the Italian restaurant that the Beast and I were going to have a pizza party on New Year’s Eve, he asked me from where I’d be ordering it. When I told him that we’d probably just get it from any old shit-shack pizza joint, I thought he was going to cry.
You see, this restaurant where I work makes real, southern Italian pizza, meaning it’s got a thin crust, it’s uncut and you can’t put chicken, pineapple or pepperoni on it. It’s amazing–arguably the best in the city–but I’m not Italian, so I grew up eating North American style pizza, which is doughier, greasier, and cheesier than the original. Therefore, I have an affinity for the latter style of pie. But I can’t let my boss find out.
Our pizza cravings got the better of us and we couldn’t wait until NewYear’s Eve. So two nights prior to the big night, I stopped in to a new place that opened up around the corner from us. It’s called Pappazee’s, and their logo is an Italian man with a mustache and a chef’s hat making a kissing sign with his hands. It looks sort of like this:
I think it’s a great logo. Anyway, the Beast requested that I order something resembling Pizza Hut’s “Canadian” pizza. So I decided on pepperoni, bacon, green peppers, red peppers and green olives on half (for me.) I think a Canadian has mushrooms on it but I didn’t want to risk going home with a soggy pie.
The pizza maker was very friendly. He said he was going to make the best pizza I ever had. I smiled. Then he said something about how he was Italian, from Naples, and his friend said, “Yeah right. More like St. Catharines.” Then he asked his friend to go get some bacon in the back, eight slices to be precise. And then he talked to me about how each pizza he makes is like a work of art. I must say, it did look very pretty.
Beast: Finally, you’re home! I need to ask you something.
Foodie: What’s that?
Beast: Were you watching the movie, “Heat”?
Foodie: How did you know that?
Beast: I took the DVD out of the player to put in The Sopranos for us to watch during our pizza party.
Foodie: Yes, yes I was watching Heat.
Beast: Interesting. Did you know that they sold Val Kilmer’s pony-tail from this movie on Ebay for 25 000 bucks?
Foodie: Holy smokes! Really?
Foodie: Why would you make something like that up? That’s just the strangest thing to lie about.
Beast: Wow. This pizza looks amazing.
Foodie: Well it ought to–a pizza artist made it. And it cost about $30.
Beast: Why so much?
Foodie: Because it’s extra-large I guess, and because there are so many toppings on it. I think an extra-large pizza is supposed to feed an entire family.
Foodie: Did I tell you that I had pizza with some colleagues from the magazine before the staff holiday party?
Foodie: Well they ordered ONE extra large pizza for SIX people! And all the girls had one slice and then said that’s all they wanted. There were actually left-overs. Isn’t that weird? What’s the normal number of slices that people eat?
Beast: I don’t know but I can guarantee that we’ll finish this pizza tonight.
Foodie: Maybe we should start eating smaller portions in 2010.
Beast: Not me. I’m resolved to gain 30 lbs in 2010.
Foodie: This is good pizza–not the best pizza though. The crust is pretty average. We need to find the best take-out pizza out there. Not fancy pizza, just normal pizza.
Beast: I’ll help in any way I can.
And if anyone else wants to help, please include suggestions in your comments below.
(P.S. I made cabbage rolls for New Years Eve. My Aunt Sandy told me that my Grandma Adeline always made cabbage rolls on New Year’s Day. What a lovely coincidence.)