Sometimes people end up at Foodie and the Beast by accident. I know this because wordpress allows me to view what people typed into their search engine to lead them here. Some of the most interesting searches include:
1. gem wants to see some penis
2. dirty Singapore food courts
3. deodorant put in my ass
4. pregnant lady eat mac and cheese
5. bullshit cheese
Can you imagine how mad you’d be if you were looking for deodorant to put up your ass and you ended up here? I feel terrible for wasting this person’s time. There is a lesson to be learned though folks: I need to clean up my language because the above words must be strung together in these blog entries somewhere. And if I can get my act together then “gem” will stand a better chance of finding that cock he or she is looking for.
More importantly though, our dear friend Nick Edwards has been coming over Monday nights to watch Top Chef with the Beast and me. Last Monday was supposed to be the season finale so I wanted to make something special for the boys. Because I’ve been obsessed with an early book of Nigella Lawson’s, How to Eat, I settled on her recipe for Steak au Poivre.
(By the by, rarely does a cookbook read like a memoir, or make you laugh out loud, like this one does.) I knew it would satisfy their appetites and it didn’t look difficult to make. I picked up some Ontario-raised, sirloin cuts of beef from Sobey’s,
and decided on sides of roasted potatoes,
and green beans. But not any old green beans: the Beast and I had dinner at our friends’ Tracey and Alex’s place last weekend and were treated to beef wellington (who makes homemade puff pastry? Tracey does), and green beans like I’ve never tasted before. But I felt silly calling them up to ask for their green bean recipe so I tried to recreate the dish by caramelizing some red onions in butter and de-glazing all the brown bits with orange juice.
With the potatoes roasting and the beans finished, it was time to drudge the steaks through the pepper, which I ground in my coffee grinder.
Nigella warned not to grind the pepper too finely because it becomes too potent but it had to be ground enough so that it stuck to the steaks. I failed at the grinding: quite a bit of pepper ended up in the pan. And I failed at the de-glazing part too. All I had to do was add some butter and brandy and Nigella insisted I’d get a lovely, shiny sauce. But I got brown sludge. Maybe it was the grill pan I used, or maybe I should have scraped out all the pepper bits before I de-glazed. Maybe I’m just a shitty de-glazer. Regardless, I had to plate our meals because Top Chef was about to start.
The Beast and Nick had been upstairs playing together in the music room while I was downstairs cooking for them. I find it very satisfying cooking for them. It feels like I’m playing house.
Nick: What smells so good?
Foodie: That’s your dinner!
Beast: Wow! This looks amazing. You really outdid yourself with this one!
Foodie: Oh it was nothing.
We settled in around the coffee table with our plates and glasses of wine like three peas in a pod. But five minutes into Top Chef, Nick made a shocking observation.
Nick: This episode is a repeat!
Foodie: No it’s not. Oh wait. Yes it is!
Beast: Somebody call the Food Network right now!
Foodie: They can’t do this! It’s false advertising. Didn’t they show scenes last week for this week’s season finale?
Nick: Yes they did.
Beast: My God Padma’s breasts looking amazing.
Nick: She’s pregnant you know.
Foodie: They are perfect.
Turns out re-watching the episode wasn’t so bad. Neither was the steak, except I noticed that the Beast scraped off all his pepper and pushed it, like a child, to the side of his plate. And he didn’t even try the brandy sludge sauce. Nick seemed to enjoy his steak, pepper chunks, sludge and all.
Beast: Nick, as our guest, you get to do the dishes.
Foodie: Nick you’re not doing the dishes. But you can both help me carry the dirty dishes into the kitchen.
That’s where the Beast poured himself and Nick some bourbon to go with the lovely pecan pie Nick had brought for dessert.
Beast: Oh can’t I? Well I just did.
We rounded out the evening with me painting my nails while the boys reclined on the couch. We toyed with the idea of watching a movie (suggestions included Titanic, Forrest Gump, and Home Alone) but ended up watching part of Wyatt Earp, starring Kevin Costner, because it was on TV. Then we made fun of Kevin Costner, and also the Beast, because he always cries at the end of Dances with Wolves. It was domestic bliss.