The other day the Beast came grocery shopping with me, which doesn’t happen very often.
Foodie: Do you really think you need six bags of chips?
Beast: Where do you find the frozen food in this place, like Swanson meat pies?
Foodie: I’m pretty sure they keep that stuff in the freezer. Do you want to talk about this?
Beast: About what?
Foodie: About what’s going on here, right now.
Beast: I’m just planning ahead. When you’re not home, what do you expect me to do? Starve? With ready-made meals that’s not going to happen. Plus, we never have enough snacks on hand. Don’t worry, I’m going to pay for it.
Beast (after paying for the groceries): Eighty dollars!
Foodie: Junk food adds up buddy. Now let’s go home for sausagefest!
My favourite summertime meal is sausages and grilled vegetables. And my favourite place to eat is on our patio, but tonight there was a new episode of Hell’s Kitchen to watch.
The Beast insists these days on doing the grilling, which is fine by me. I just have to do the prep, which involves slicing up red peppers, zucchini, and other various vegetables that catch my fancy, and tossing them up with olive oil, salt and pepper. We had some Oktoberfest sausages on hand from a market in Bala, Ontario to boot.
With hands like a surgeon, the Beast manoeuvred our dinner on the grill so that everything was cooking perfectly. I stood outside with him to provide some friendly conversation.
Foodie: This is my favourite summertime meal.
Beast: You’ve mentioned that before.
Foodie: My sciatica is really acting up again today. I feel like an old woman.
Beast: Yes, you told me that already.
Foodie: Did you know–
Beast: YES! I know that your favourite restaurant when you were a kid was Swiss Chalet! Now let’s arrange our food nicely on this fancy plate so you can get a nice photo already!
After we finished our BBQ feast, and in the middle of Hell’s Kitchen, I offered to whip up a caesar salad during a commercial break because the Beast was still “starving”.
Foodie (yelling from the kitchen): We don’t have any croutons. Is that okay?
Beast: I CAN’T HEAR YOU. I DON”T RESPOND TO HATE SPEECH.
And then I had an idea: why not sprinkle some of the cheese Crunchies the Beast bought onto the salad? They’re practically the same as croutons anyway!
Beast (upon seeing a bag under my arm): What’s that?
Foodie: They’re Crunchies for your caesar salad!
Beast: Gross! Give me some.
And like a child with Attention Deficit Syndrome, the Beast ripped open the bag and topped his salad with florescent orange-coloured snack food.
Foodie: How is it?
Beast: Delicious! You want some?
Foodie: I’ll pass, but thank you.