Beast: (on a walk to the video store with me, the Foodie): Tell me something: during your gossip website research, have you come across the brand of “tonic” that Matthew McConaughey supposedly uses to keep his hair looking so fine?
Foodie: I think Kate Hudson told US magazine about Matthew using hair tonic as a joke. I don’t think he really puts tonic in her hair.
Beast: Yes he does. Do me a favour will you, and find out the brand please.
The Beast has always enjoyed Matthew McConaughey. For one, he has great hair. For two, he plays bongo drums naked, which is something the Beast would enjoy doing very much.
Foodie: I don’t know what to make for dinner tonight. It’s not going to be fancy though, I’ll tell you that much.
Beast: That’s fine.
Foodie: What about canned soup and grilled cheese sandwiches?
Beast: That’s the best idea you’ve had in a very long time.
If I was going “to make” canned soup for dinner, it would have to be the fanciest canned soup ever. So we picked up two cans of Mr. Wolfgang Puck’s organic “Hearty Lentil & Vegetable” soup. And if I was going to make grilled cheeses, they would have to be the un-fancy kind. What I mean is, no fancy bread, no fancy cheese, and no fancy chutneys or other condiments. I’m talking about white bread, Kraft cheese slices, Heinz ketchup and embarrassing amounts of butter. We had all the fixings at home too, minus a loaf of bread.
Beast: How about light rye instead of plain white bread?
Foodie: I need to think about this. Why?
Beast: I’m not sure. I just think it would be delicious.
It’s rare that the Beast makes such a specific request so I decided to honour it. Plus, there’s certainly no shortage of rye bread along Roncesvalles Avenue. Lucky for him, the light rye turned out to be a wonderful contribution to the meal. With each bite of grilled cheese, it was difficult deciding whether to dunk it into ketchup or into the soup. Mostly, I oscillated between the two.
Foodie (while eating): I hope I don’t lose too much weight now that I’m riding my bike to work everyday. You might not recognize me by the end of the week if I get too skinny.
Beast: Wouldn’t it be great if you could just shift fat to particular areas instead of losing it?
Foodie: Come again?
Beast: What I meant to say is instead of losing weigh, if you could just move…certain…parts…to…your…behind…….Beyonce.
Beast: Was that wrong to say? I think it came out wrong. What I meant to say–
Foodie: Well, I guess you have receding hair and I’m rotund in all the wrong places. Maybe we should just learn to be more accepting of each other’s shortcomings. And maybe you should stop fantasizing about me as though I were a tube of toothpaste–that you can just squeeze fat from the middle part into the top and bottom parts.
Beast: That was funny. Is there any soup left?
Foodie: No. This is the best canned-soup I think I’ve ever had.
Beast: I agree–that and Campbell’s Beef & Barley.
I think this was a really good dinner. It was satisfying, comforting, and it was really easy to “make”. I’m going to give it a spot in the week night dinner roster for a while. Also, if anybody knows what brand of hair tonic Matthew uses, would you mind NOT making this valuable bit of info public? I like that the Beast has a mild case of hair recession: it makes him look closer to my age.
Beast: ** 1/2