Scene: Sunday morning. The Beast is getting ready for work and is in the shower. The Foodie has just gotten out of bed. She grabs the morning paper from the porch, prepares herself a cup of coffee and settles into the sun room in her favourite chair. She suspects the Beast needs attention because he’s toweling off right beside her, but she does her best to concentrate on the Sunday Star.
Beast: Did you finish your Allen’s post yet?
Foodie: No I didn’t as a matter of fact. Did you finish putting away all those books in the living room?
Beast: You know what? You knew who I was getting into this relationship.
Foodie: What’s that supposed to mean?
Beast: Listen, I am an intellectual! And I probably have a mild case of ADD. And OCD. That means that at any given time, I’m reading many important books because I’m interested in many things. Is that a crime?
Foodie: You know what? I used to be interested in a lot of things too but now all I get to do in my spare time is cook and clean! And now instead of reading Goethe in the morning, like I used to when I was smart…and…and full of angst, I grab Life & Style instead! I NEED TO READ GARBAGE TO RELAX. Is that a crime?
Beast: We both have problems. I’m not proud of myself you know. I think we just need to be more accepting of each other.
Foodie: How many stars are you going to give the burgers at Allen’s?
Beast: I don’t know. Two and a half?
Foodie: Do we agree that they were delicious?
Foodie: Do you agree that the service was really lovely?
Foodie: Do you know you’re standing naked in a glass room?
Beast: I think I prefer skinnier fries though, not thick-cut.
Foodie: Me too. Would it be safe to assume that you like the supreme summertime burgers I make better? (Simple, beef burgers seasoned with a little salt and pepper, served with a mix of both traditional and gourmet toppings including avocado spread, caramelized onions, and Kraft cheese slices. They must be served on white Wonder Bread buns–or similar brand. Just as long as they’re plain and white and they never go stale because of the additives in them.)
Foodie. Well good. It looks like we’re friends again. Now what do you want for your birthday dinner? I’ll make you anything.
Beast: I thought you were taking me to The Black Hoof?
Foodie: I am on Tuesday night, but I’m talking about tomorrow night, when my brother and his wife come over to celebrate all three of you being born in May.
Beast: Steak and your mushroom risotto.
Foodie: Sounds excellent. I’m making stuffed peppers for the two of us for dinner tonight. So you better stop being naked in front of me because I have a shit load of work to do today. Groceries, LCBO, pick up cupcakes, make birthday cards, laundry…
Beast: You really don’t have to do this at all. I don’t even want to celebrate my birthday. I just want somebody to buy me a tuba.
Foodie: (Shakes head in disbelief.)
I was a machine today. I got everything done that needed to get done. My stuffed peppers are in the oven now. I’m a bit worried that they’ll be very dry because we ran out of tin foil. An hour into their cooking, I turned off the oven and rode my bike to the corner store to buy some. They’re secured under foil now but the damage may already be done.
I also prepped dinner for tomorrow night, which feels great. And now I’m about to taste-test that cheap FuZion shiraz-malbec blend from Argentina that everybody flips over. It’s only $7.45. I’ll tell you up front that I’m skeptical.
This wine sucks. I’m going to watch Gossip Girl.
Allen’s Burger: Beast **1/2 Foodie **1/2