Sometimes you just need a summer sausage sammy

The other day after work,  I had no idea what to make for dinner. Neither did the Beast. So we agreed to meet up at the end of our street to brainstorm and grocery shop. When I saw the Beast get off the streetcar, he had two filled-to-the-brim Value Village bags.

Foodie: Oh good! You really needed some more clothes!

Beast: You’ll feel bad for mocking me when you see what I got.

Foodie: Go on.

Beast: Well, let’s just say, Club Monaco, J Crew–

Foodie: BORING!

Beast: Wait for it: Hugo Boss, and the ultimate–remember how I bought myself a plaid tweed jacket last week? Actually, it’s the one that I’m wearing now. Well, I found another one, but this one is Burberry’s signature tweed! And it was only $14.99!

Foodie: That’s incredible. Truly. I am so happy for you. Now you can get rid of the one you’re wearing because who really needs two tweed jackets?

Beast: Do you know what else I got?

Foodie: Don’t tell me it’s another pair of loafers. You DO NOT need more penny loafers or tassel loafers or just loafers in general.

Beast: No, I got burgundy oxfords!

Foodie: [Silence]

Beast: For our photo shoots? So we can wear the same shoes!


Foodie: That’s really great. But what the f–k are we having for dinner? OMG. Wait. How about we use up that summer sausage I bought last week and we just make sammies? I’ll grab a tomato, an onion, some arugola and boom! And we can get chips for a side dish!

Beast: That sounds to die for!

We got home with some fresh kaiser buns and our sammy fixings and sat outside, where the Beast showed me his Value Village finds.


Beast: See, these shirts, the Club Monaco one and the J Crew one, are perfect for high concept work wear.

Foodie: Excuse me?


We moved indoors because the Beast wanted to try on his Hugo Boss pants.


Foodie: Oh great. More dad pants.

Beast: I know it’s shocking to see a man wearing pants that sit on his actual waist.

Foodie: I’m joking, mostly. They do look like a pair of pants that Gene Kelly might wear.

Beast: I think I was born in the wrong time.

Foodie: [Fighting for a position in front of the mirror]: Hey, can I get a look in the mirror or what!??

Beast: I’m sorry I’m just obsessed over how good these pants are.

Foodie: Do you think it’s weird that when you get home you stay dressed up and when I get home I put on an old-timey nightie with a sweatshirt on top?


Beast: We just have different concepts of comfort. Let’s go eat.

We went down to the kitchen and prepared our sides and opened up the chips: Plain Lay’s for me and BBQ Lay’s for the Beast.


We dressed up our kaisers with summer sausage, old cheddar, slices of tomato and onion, plus some Dijon mustard, corn relish and a pile of arugola on top. (I added slices of the Beast’s mom’s famous pickles, too–as I do to every sandwich.)


God, sandwiches are good. I wish I remembered to make them more often for dinner.

I’m on my own tonight. I have some left-over gnocchi casserole that I froze a couple of weeks ago. I don’t even know if you should do that–freeze already baked gnocchi. I have no idea how this will taste. The Beast went to the horse track with his dad.

This is what they wore:


I can’t be certain, but that looks like it could be a woman’s vest overtop of a Canadian tuxedo.


One response to “Sometimes you just need a summer sausage sammy

  1. You guys are so damn cute!

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