My dream of having two young men in my bedroom at once was realized the other night when I got home after a long day of work and found Nick Edwards and the Beast in there making sweet music. So I did what any other girl would have done: I climbed into bed and listened.
When the music got weird, I went downstairs into the sun room and curled up in my chair with some notes I had to read over, a glass of wine and a bag of cookies.
These weren’t any old cookies though: they were a gift from my friend Erinn. She brought them over a few days before she left to go live on a farm. They are her favourite store-bought cookies. And now, they are my favourite too.
I sat there in the quiet, not actually reading my notes, but just eating the cookies and washing down every bite with a sip of white wine. I know it doesn’t seem like those two things would go together but they do. I was so exhausted that the idea of speaking words out loud to others seemed impossible.
Once I did manage to wander back upstairs to share the last of the cookies with the boys, I climbed straight into bed. I figured that would signal to the Beast and Nick that I wanted to actually sleep and they should stop playing. And while they did put down their guitars, another type of performance took the place of their music. I don’t know who started it but the three of us, knowing each other so well, knew exactly how to follow: I reached into a drawer and retrieved an old pair of eye glasses. When Nick put these on he transforms into a certain type of character complete with very specific facial expressions that results in me giggling in a series of wheezes and snorts. Meanwhile, the boys began to hunt for accessories through the closets.
And before I knew it, I was cramping up from laughing so hard and grunting as these two old friends posed for affectionate photos that would make any parents of LGBTQOES (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgendered, questioning or even straight) kids proud.
They went downstairs soon after and the last thing I remember hearing before falling into a deep sleep was the Beast show and telling Nick about the new blazer and button-up shirt that he got from “Mike’s” on College–it’s that “Italian” men’s clothing store that he loves so much. He sounded truly excited, and he kept talking about “Mike” like he was best friends with him. It all made me feel just a little bit sad because I had made such fun of him when he’d tried on the clothes that “Mike” had sold him.
Anyway, I mentioned that I made an eggplant and zucchini parmigiana last weekend. But I don’t think that I told you how, in a bid to make it healthier, I grilled the vegetables au natural rather than frying them in breadcrumbs and oil.
The dish actually turned out okay too! We even managed to stretch it out over two meals.
After work one night, finding the Beast upstairs in front of his computer. He flexed his bicep when I walked in.
Foodie: May I ask where all this muscle madness is coming from?
Beast: I want to have a fucking rad body.
Beast: Like Barry Bonds–see, look here (Googling images of Barry Bonds). This is how he looked when he first started out.
Beast: And this is how he looked later.
Foodie: Didn’t he do steroids?
Beast: You bet your fucking ass he did steroids and he is the best baseball of player of all time so you tell me.
Foodie: What am I supposed to tell you? That steroids are okay to do?
Beast: (shrugs his shoulders)
Foodie: I can smell that eggplant parmigiana–I bet it’s done.
In the kitchen
Beast: Guess how many push-ups I did before you got home?
Foodie: I don’t know, 50?
Foodie: That’s amazing! Hey, can I ask you something?
Foodie: Do you just do your little work-outs in normal clothes or do you change into gym clothes?
Beast: I don’t have gym clothes.
Foodie: So you wore that to do push-up in?
Beast: What? It’s easy. Watch.
Foodie: Wow. I’m not too sure what just happened here.
Beast: Ah, I just showed you how to do an inverted push-up.
Foodie: Okay but here’s my concern: when I made the bed today I noticed something very upsetting.
Beast: That my side of the bed is slightly discoloured?
Foodie: You saw it too?!
Foodie: Do you have any idea why that might be?
Beast: Because I don’t shower as much as you and I’m filthy?
Foodie: Yes. Do you think you should try and do something to remedy this?
Beast: Do you think you have to use white bedding all the time?
Foodie: I couldn’t believe it when I saw it. I think I actually gasped out loud.
Beast: (Shrugs his shoulders.)
Despite it’s appearance, dinner was delicious.
My only regret, culinary-related, was not having some crusty bread in order to make a sandwich.